why false alarms are good

False alarms get me ready for the real deal. Essentially. After some new-to-me pregnancy symptoms last Saturday night, my nurse advised me to come into the hospital to be checked to see if I needed to be admitted to actually have a baby. All the while, I kept thinking: this can't be it, I have two weeks to go. That, and, oh crap; I'm not ready for this.

I didn't end up having a baby. Not yet. Said crazy symptoms were just my body getting ready for that eventuality.

But our little adventure to the hospital on a cold late night did some good. I got a bag packed. Jeff put together the bassinet and did some laundry for the new baby. And it got me past my denial--for a moment at least.

I am not in denial about a new baby. No, just what the new baby could bring. I have craftily avoided the scary thoughts:

1. labor and delivery hurts and doesn't always go as planned
2. dear heavens, four children--four daughters--is a lot and will probably cost some money
3. two children in diapers might be a challenge
4. a nursing baby's schedule and elementary school schedule might not coincide very well
5. the littlest big sister might have some adjustment/jealousy issues
6. what if baby doesn't sleep!

Saturday night all the scary thoughts surfaced, and, Jeff will attest to this, left me slightly paralyzed and unfocused. But since then I have remembered that really I am ready for this. After three children and four pregnancies, I have come to some realization that I have little control over some things. To attempt to maintain control or worry about everything is an exercise in futility. So I give up, and go back to not stressing and trying to go with the flow. Until my body really does go into labor. Then I'll want absolute control over absolutely everything.