THE FACTS
- Jeff was diagnosed with testicular cancer on Oct. 9th.
- He had surgery to remove tumor and offending testicle on Oct. 13th.
- Tests determined stage and pathology of cancer was stage 1 seminoma.
- He began radiation treatment on Nov. 10th.
- Radiation consisted of a 5 min treatment targeting the lymph nodes in the abdomen and back, done every weekday (except Thanksgiving)
- He underwent 15 radiation treatments and finished on Dec. 2.
- He should now be cancer free (fingers crossed)
THE FEELINGS
We have experienced a little fear, a little sadness, a little loneliness, a little anxiety and frustration.
We have experienced a lot of surprise--who knew that Jeff would get cancer at 32 and that we would be able to handle it.
A lot of humor--apparently, having a testicle removed can be funny, especially to Jeff. Nut jokes abound. He also got his first tattoos. Only little pin-pricks to mark where the machines needed to line up, but we found it pretty funny. We joke that he was like an old man, or a pregnant woman with all the effects of radiation. And vicodin makes him a little silly.
A lot of pain--even though Jeff's prognosis was very good, cancer is still a dirty word. Testicular cancer in and of itself causes general malaise and a constant ache in the lower back. The aftermath of surgery is painful. Recovery is slow and the incision is still tender sometimes. Despite the fact that radiation only lasts a small amount of time, it still kills cells. Bad and good ones. Because of where they targeted the radiation, Jeff had constant nausea, occasional vomiting, and bowel issues. He lost about 12 pounds over the course of four weeks. At the worst of it, he said he felt like he couldn't wake up from a bad dream. Watching someone you love hurting also hurts.
A lot of tired--cancerous husband + pregnant wife + young children = sleepless nights. Jeff was crazy enough to go to work everyday during radiation. He says he didn't have a choice, but he probably could have had one if he really wanted it. Radiation sucks the energy out of you.
A lot of love--we have so many good friends and family who helped us with the kids or food or were just there to laugh with us. And so many offered prayers on our behalf. We love you for loving us. I know it's cheesy but my husband and children are more precious to me than ever. The thought of losing any of them hurts my heart.
A lot of comfort--hope has been our constant companion. We never felt despair. A little fear and worry, but never despair. People would often ask me how I was doing and the truth was that I was fine. I don't usually get faithy on my blog because I don't want to trivialize my deepest feelings. But our faith is inextricably linked to everything we have experienced. We have felt the constant comfort of the Holy Ghost and uplifting power of the Savior Jesus Christ during the last two months. So thank you for your prayers. They have truly worked.
Most of all, gratitude has been the prevailing emotion in my life the last two months. Gratitude for insurance (Jeff's doctor's bills amounted to roughly $75k and we only had a small deductible in comparison), gratitude to competent doctors and nurses. His treatments were done at one of the six leading cancer treatment centers in the nation. And it's only 20 minutes from our house. Jeff met some patients that traveled across state lines just to go to that hospital. Gratitude for curable cancer. Gratitude for an understanding employer. Gratitude for friends. Gratitude for family--I don't think you will ever know how much we love and appreciate you. Gratitude for sweet healthy children that kept us grounded. Gratitude for marriage. And gratitude to God. He knew Jeff would get cancer. He didn't prevent it from happening, but he provided a way for us to detect it and overcome it. He is well aware of everything in our lives. Six months ago when we decided, in a totally uncharacteristic move, to have another baby, we didn't know that four months later Jeff would get sick. We didn't know that his doctors would tell him that due to the effects of the treatment, he shouldn't have children for the next two years. We didn't know any of that, but God did and He knew that even though the timing was different than we would choose, we still wanted more children. And therefore we are pregnant. Lucky for me, I'm in my second trimester--not the nauseating first, or the hugely uncomfortable third. I am in a physical and emotional state to manage what I need to manage. I can't ignore nor deny the hand of a loving Heavenly Father in our life. So more than anything, I am thankful to God.
